


Of Letters Sent and Unsent

by NicePumpkinSpice



Series: Of Sweet Memories and Guarded Moments [23]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 15:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3493484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicePumpkinSpice/pseuds/NicePumpkinSpice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evelyn writes to Cullen updating her progress.  Will she have the courage to share her fears?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Letters Sent and Unsent

Evelyn sat in her tent, writing a letter by magelight. With the exception of Sera who was standing watch, the rest of her companions were asleep. As usual, Evelyn was facing another sleepless night. There was just too much to process to even think of resting.

_Cullen,  
I’m sorry that I haven’t written you more often. I could give reasons why I haven’t, but the truth is writing to you makes me miss you more. Tomorrow Leliana and I will be taking a ship to Valence from the port we reestablished on the Storm Coast. I am sending the rest of the team home to Skyhold. They deserve some rest. _

_Please look after Cassandra in particular. What we found at Caer Oswin was horrific. Lord Seeker Lucius was luring the remaining Seekers to the fort and forcing them to ingest demons. I didn’t even think that was possible. Cassandra had to put one of her apprentices to the blade. He was too badly sickened to save. Before we killed the Lord Seeker and his conspirators, the Lord Seeker gave Cassandra a book containing the secrets of their order. She has spent every moment that we aren’t fighting or traveling reading that book. Her demeanor is becoming increasingly withdrawn. She has not shared what is in the book, but it is affecting her deeply._

_I had originally intended having Varric give Cassandra the latest edition of his romance serial when I returned. If he has completed it, perhaps you could encourage him to pass it along earlier. She needs a distraction much more than I need to play matchmaker._

_Today I ruined our potential alliance with the Qunari. I had never felt fully comfortable with aligning with them. I am particularly scared by the way they treat “saarebas” - their term for mages. From your time in Kirkwall during the Qunari occupation, I’m sure you saw them - leashed, tongues cut out, and mouths sewn shut. On the up side, their treatment of mages makes the chantry circles seem almost humane. Then there is the tendency of the Qunari to want to spread their beliefs by the sword. Still I was willing to consider a partnership in return for their naval power and intelligence gathering abilities._

_Anyway, I was faced with the choice of saving Bull’s men or the Qunari alliance. I call it a choice, but I didn’t even consider not saving the Chargers. Now as I sit here in my tent I wonder how many people I have sentenced to death by breaking my deal with the Qunari. How many of our soldiers lives could their intelligence have saved? I’m not good at this cold calculus of war. What is it you say about my chess playing? That I often lose because I try to save every piece. What if that is what I’ve done here?_

_All of my choices are weighing heavily on me. The First Inquisition gave birth to so many things that went so terribly wrong - the chantry, the circles, the templars. I doubt that was the intention at the start. I could be making decisions now that damn people later. I want this war to be over, but I’m terrified of what life will be like afterward when I have time to see the consequences of my choices. Who am I that my opinions should carry such weight?_

_I miss you terribly. I wish you were here to rub my shoulders, kiss my neck, and reassure me that everything will be okay. I am so scared - that I will fail or make the wrong choice. The world only feels safe when I’m in your arms. I love you._

_With all my heart,  
Evelyn_

Evelyn read over the letter and folded it. Some part of her wanted to send it and share some of her burden with him. Instead she flicked her wrist, and the paper went up in flames. With tears in her eyes, she sat down and wrote a different letter - one that she would send.

_Cullen,_

_Heading to Valence with Leliana. Sending everyone else to Skyhold. Look after Cassandra - Caer Oswin was rough. Maybe Varric could give her the next installment of his book before I return? Qunari alliance scuttled. Will need to consider ramifications of lost intelligence network and naval support. I miss you._

_Evelyn_

**Author's Note:**

> I so wish I could have made Evelyn send the first letter, but it just isn't in her character at this point to be so open. Girl has a complex as big as a federal housing project.
> 
> Also today was a two story posting day. Make sure that you caught the installment I put up earlier this morning.


End file.
